What is your Chinese name?

李 熠雯 Li Yiwen

What does your name mean?

李 (li) is my family name, the same as my father and his father before him. In fact, my family has our own little village in Henan province, which is literally called 李家村 (the village of Li). I never had the chance to go back and visit there but I’m one of them.

熠 (yi) means shiny or glorious, the character is hard to write so a lot of people don’t recognize it the first time they see it, I have to explain it over and over again. When I was little I thought this must be the hardest word to write. And if you ever try to type it on the computer you have to scroll all the way down to find it.

雯 (wen) means colorful cloud, it is commonly used in girl names, it’s similar to 文 but the character itself looks cuter and more girly. So 熠雯 means glorious colorful cloud, by giving me this name my parents wish me to be beautiful and girly. Sadly it turned out to be the other way, but I’m happy with where I am right now so it’s fine, I appreciated the wish that they had for me.

What is your English name? (Please write in pinyin if you don’t have one)

I had several English names. Amy, Lily and Polly.

Who gave you your English name?

My kindergarten teacher gave me the name Lily because my family name is Li and Lily is my mother’s favorite flower. Amy is the name I used in primary school, I don’t remember how I got it, I never liked it anyway, it sounds too ordinary. Polly is the name I gave myself when I was about 14 or 15. Back in middle school, there was a list of girl names and boy names on the back of our English book, I just picked one that looks cute. Funny thing is that, when I went to Britain for a school trip, I lived in a host family, they have a parrot named Polly as well. Later I was told that the name Polly is usually given to birds or tiny little girls, but certainly not a big girl like me, I weighed twice as much as normal girls my age back in the day.

Is there a pronunciation/meaning connection between your English name and Chinese name?

Not really, I just pick them randomly. Except the name Lily, which sounds like my family name.

Have you ever abandoned your English name? What was the reason?

I stopped using English names when I went to London for my Master degree. I did think of sticking with Polly, but as you can see it doesn’t match my appearance, also it’s a bit silly. But most importantly, I want to be seen as who I am, not some carefully wrapped gift. Using different names in different countries feels like wrapping myself up in order to please people, I have to admit that I was a people pleaser in the old days but I’m done with it. I will present myself as who I am, take it or leave it. I don’t want to hide my cultural background anymore in order to “blend in”, I am a foreigner, I always will be, and I’m not embarrassed, that’s the message that I want people to receive.

Does your name ever give you any funny, embarrassing, or uncomfortable experiences?

When I first met my tutors and classmates, I told them to call me Li, not Lee but Li, just my family name. First, it is quite common to call people by their family name in China, I personally do not feel distanced or disrespected. Secondly, Li is very easy to pronounce, so people shouldn’t feel awkward when they try to call me but don’t know how to pronounce my name, I thought I was being nice. But to my surprise, my tutor insists to call me Yiwen, I never figure out why. Maybe it’s rude for British people to call people by their surname? Maybe it feels a little bit racist to call a Chinese “Li”? It’s interesting how people choose to respect me in their own way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset or offended, I appreciate that they tried their best to learn how to say my name and respect my cultural heritage, it’s just interesting to see how people deal with cultural shocks.

Do you prefer your Chinese name or your English name? Which name better represents your own identity?

Definitely my Chinese, I never liked my English names. Although my Chinese name doesn’t match my look too, it holds memories, it’s how my loved ones remember me, how people at work remember me, and how I remember me. Throughout my life, I spent the best and the worst times with this name and we are pretty much bonded for life, accepting my name feels like accepting my bare self, I will not put makes ups on my name.